Today was going to be a good day. I was smiling, it was Friday and I was done with work. True, I had a honey-do list as long as my arm, but I chucked that after getting a txt about one of my oldest friends; he was now in intensive care. He of course knows who I really am despite how I look, having come directly from work.
As I entered the hospital, I couldn’t help but notice the faces as people walked in and out: like mine, full of concern or sadness, or at most blank, perhaps in shock or discomfort. No smiles to speak of.
Then I watched my friend’s wife as she fussed over her breadwinner, her longtime sweetheart, who recently lost his job and whose job now is to not die; they’re burning through his severance, racking up hospital bills they don’t have insurance to cover.
Then the specialist I helped arrange for paid him a visit, only to break the news that cancer treatments will have to wait until his heart is strong enough. And it didn’t look good for either prognosis. My friend had gambled on his health, and lost.
But at this precious moment, he and his wife are together, and their love is evident, even on their worried faces. I left them to make-up for what I promised I’d do for the woman I still love, who is grieving the death of her own husband, in a very real sense. I’m filled with heartache and misery.
I feel sad, as this story is revealed to have no happy ending.
Along similar reckoning; I am pretty good at fixing anything I can lay my hands on or put my mind to. Last week I was reflecting on that when my X-wife texted me that she was back in the hospital; yet another transfusion after her second turn at the chemo for lymphoma. She used to look at me and say “you could fix anything but a broken heart”. And I was young and thought her right.
Before I was 50 I was the sole survivor of my family; which included the loss of 2 sets of parents (I was adopted) and a sister. I am the only one left.
So as I drove home last week I was adding to what had been said to me more than two decades ago – I can fix nearly anything but a broken heart or cancer or death….
and we can buy nearly anything except time. Those realities keep me going now; I live better, love truer, play more and treasure each day. I do not use my time dwelling on what I can’t fix.
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I went through exactly the same thing just two weeks ago. My heart goes out to you, your friend, and his loved ones. These are not easy days. ❤
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