My Fingers Are Weeping: A poem by Sophie Ennis
my palms are sweaty, i know.
and yes, it’s kind of hard to grow
when people tell me that i am gross,
and make fun of my anxiety.
but does anyone recognize the irony,
of telling me that i am faking,
when it’s difficult for me to hold the hand of the person i am dating.
my hands are thorns. i wish roses came with them.
i can’t hug, i can’t hold,
i can’t let anyone touch me when it is cold.
i feel the need to explain the constant personal thorns on my hands,
because personal is publicized when no one understands.
my fingers are weeping from the insults and names.
my thorns learned how to self sustain.
there are more every day. i don’t know how to stop them.
they keep coming and coming, someone please tell me how to stop them.
but then you put your hand in mine one day, and our fingers intertwined.
you were the first person to say that you didn’t mind.
the color red escaped from our hands. had my thorns made you bleed?
you brought me a rose when i couldn’t make my own. please don’t ever leave,
or take your hand out of mine.
hold tightly, because for once, i wasn’t lying when i said i’m fine.
Hearing my daughter read this aloud just now moved me to tears, and I felt I must share it (with her permission).
Thank you, Soph. “I love I.”
I wish that whoever you are, wherever you go, no matter how sweaty your palms are, that you find someone who loves your thorns as well as your roses, someone who is always happy to hold your hand.
No matter what.